Bloody celebrities

Everybody wants to kill the world

Welcome to the free newsletter of David (D. V.) Bishop, author of the Cesare Aldo historical thrillers set in Renaissance Italy. This time: celebrities writing crime…

But first!

If you’re reading this on Tuesday 14^th July and are anywhere near Dunoon in Scotland, I am appearing at local indie Bookpoint from 6-7pm tonight (get tickets here). Tomorrow night – Wednesday 15^th July – I’m in England for a 7pm event at Forum Books in Corbridge, Northumberland (more details here).

I’m much more approachable in real life, honest! • Photo by Felix Mosse

Next week I’m back in England for more events promoting my new historical thriller, Shadow of Madness. On Tuesday 21^st July I’m back at Serenity Booksellers in Romiley near Stockport from 6pm talking murder, madness and the Medici (get tickets here).

On Wednesday 22^nd July I’ll be at the Manchester Central Library from 6pm for Crime Central, appearing alongside four amazing writers: Emma Christie, Chis McDonald, Trevor Wood and our genial host Rob Parker (get tickets here).

On Thursday 23^rd July I’m at The Blues Bar in Harrogate from 4pm reading my work for Noir at the Bar with nine other authors. The fabled Theakston’s Old Peculiar Crime Writing Festival starts that night in Harrogate and I’ll be appearing there in the Pan Macmillan Dead Giveaways tent from 2.45pm on Saturday 25^th July.

Right, enough of relentless self-promotion! Now let’s get on to the sometimes vexed subject of famous people deciding to become crime authors as their next side hustle…

Celebrities make a killing

UK publishing periodical The Bookseller has recently announced deals of two different celebrities signing contracts to write crime fiction. One is a familiar TV gardener writing a gardening-themed mystery, while the other is a classical singer and TV host writing a trilogy about (you guessed it) a classical singer who starts solving crimes.

This is neither unusual nor an isolated blip. There’s been an influx of celebrities getting contracts to write crime fiction in recent years (and even more so over in children’s publishing). An early, highly successful example of this phenomenon was jockey Dick Francis who had a longer career as an author than he did in horse racing.

Now, far be it from me to tell anybody what they should or shouldn’t write. If you love reading crime fiction, go ahead and write crime fiction. But I note no corresponding rush from, say, Deutsche Grammophon to have Sir Ian Rankin record three albums of classical arias, or the BBC hiring Val McDermid for an exciting new gardening show.

It’s almost as if the things that celebrities have become famous for doing require years of practice and a very particular set of skills, whereas (judging by the contracts on offer to some celebrities) it seems anyone can pick up a pen or a laptop and smash out a crime novel without having any need for previous expertise in that area.

Too snarky? Perhaps. Nevertheless, it’s worth discussing this phenomenon.

All hail Osmandias*

TV host and producer Richard Osman is the most successful crime author to debut in Britain this decade thanks to his Thursday Murder Club series. Some may claim his astounding sales are only due to the fact he’s on TV five nights a week most of the year – and it’s true that this probably doesn’t hurt his numbers in the UK.

But Osman’s books also sell millions in countries outside the UK where his TV shows are unknown, negating the criticism that his books are popular only because of his celebrity. The simple fact is readers love the novels and his characters. These bring readers into bookshops and libraries which is always a good thing IMHO.

It makes commercial sense for publishers to buy crime fiction from people with a national profile, even if that celebrity is quite unrelated to crime fiction. Why? Because name recognition will make it easier to get the novels stocked in bookshops and supermarkets, leading to strong sales and tasty profits for everyone involved.

Another fact: publishing is not a zero sum game. Buying a cosy crime novel by the delightful Reverend Richard Coles doesn’t stop a person picking up a book by Janice Hallett or Tom Mead next time they go shopping. Coles can’t produce a new novel every month, and crime readers are always voracious for more of what they love.

This is the rising tide lifts all boats theory, and is often correct. Celebrities appearing on The One Show or Radio 4’s Front Row to extol the virtues of reading and libraries are a good thing (anyone who says otherwise is a dreadful curmudgeon). But there are issues which arise from an apparently increasing glut of celebrity crime novels.

Ghost in the machine

Firstly, not every celebrity actually writes their novels. It takes time to craft 80,000 to 100,000 words of gripping prose, confounding clues and devilish plot twists. If you’re busy appearing on television all the time or whatever else it is that celebrities do, finding months in your schedule to spend writing and editing a novel must be tricky.

Of course, the same is true for most non-celebrities. I’d guess the vast majority of crime writers are not full-time authors. Most of us have other jobs to help pay the bills, whether in areas related to writing or other fields altogether. We must steal time from the rest of our lives to write, hoping that effort will eventually pay off one day.

Couldn’t find a photo of a ghost writing, so… • Photo by Alexa Portoraro on Unsplash

But while mere mortals are effectively working two (or more jobs) to make ends meet, celebrities have another option: they can employ a ghostwriter. This is someone who turns the star’s story, ideas or notions into a crime novel on their behalf. (The time and effort that a given celebrity might contribute to this process may vary wildly.)

How much ghostwriters get paid or how visible their efforts are is up for negotiation. Some ghosts have their name on the cover with the celebrity, others are only credited inside. Some ghosts merely get a mention in the acknowledgements but nothing more. The job is often work for hire as well, meaning a flat fee with no royalties.

Fame begets more fame

Secondly, a rising tide doesn’t always lift all boats evenly. Promo opportunities are more plentiful for celebrities. Ask yourself, who is a literary festival likely to have on its programme – a familiar face off the telly pimping their first crime novel, or an unknown debut author who spent years honing their craft away from the spotlight?

Who is The One Show going to book for its sofa? That beloved person from the small screen whose name is on the front of a new crime novel, or the acclaimed author who is unknown to the wider public despite solid sales and awards recognition? Fame begets more fame, so the celebrity tends to get top billing and marketing support.

There used to be more openings for non-celebrity authored novels, such as BBC2’s Between the Covers or Damian Barr’s Big Scottish Book Club. Alas, both these have been cancelled. Perhaps more authors need to get themselves on prime time reality TV shows, following in the footsteps of Harriet Tyce appearing on The Traitors.

For the young and attractive, maybe a trip to Love Island? For those with a talent for making cakes, some time in a tent with The Great British Bake-Off? Intrepid travellers could go backpacking on Race Across the World. A shame they don’t have authors on Gogglebox, as I could ace drinking a mug of tea and being sarcastic about some telly.

As stated above, it’s not for me to tell anyone else what they should or shouldn’t write. Publishing is an industry, after all, not a support system for writers. Getting agitated about celebrity authors doesn’t help anyone. Better to focus that energy on what you can control: the writing. To put it another way, keep your eyes on your own work.

Progress report

I finished the first draft of my 2027 novel on Sunday 12^th July - huzzah! It came to just over 81,000 words before the editing begins. I’m due to deliver it next week so have a busy weekend ahead primping and polishing the manuscript. Wish me luck…

*This pun was stolen from another crime writer – mea culpa!

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